Medium sized gentleman.

It was extremely awkward. People that know me know that I’m really uncomfortable in pretty much all situations, so being around a bunch of naked ladies makes me especially nervous. 

As soon as I walked in, a woman came up to me and spanked me, and asked where I was from, then something happened, and she conducted more business elsewhere.  few minutes later, me and the people I was with sat down, and then she came back, and was like “Hey, are you the guy I spanked earlier”, so I said yeah, and then Tory (the guy I was with) said to her, “Hey, can you hook my friend up with a lap dance? He’s never been to a strip club before”, and her eyes lit up, and then she took me to some other area where lap dances are performed.

I’m really not use to women shoving their breasts in my face, and she could really tell. She said “are you nervous? don’t be”, so I explained how unfamiliar I was with the whole situation, and I think she understood how shy I was. About a minute goes by of her grinding against my wiener, and shoving boobs in my face, and then she turns around and grabs my hands and put them on her boobies. At this point, I was really freaked out, cause in every movie, or show I watch that has strippers in it, you get yelled at when you touch the girls, but apparently, if they guide your hands there, it’s ok.

Anyway, the lap dance finishes, and I go back to my friends.

About 2 minutes later, another stripper comes up to us, and she was drunker that anyone I’ve ever seen. At first, it was kind of funny, cause I think she was Russian, and I couldn’t understand a word she was saying, plus she was slurring all her words cause of the drunkenness. Eventually, we just start getting really annoyed, as were the other strippers that were sitting at the table next to us (one of them was the first girl that gave me the lap dance), and after a while, she left, and we started talking to the strippers that were next to us about her, and they were shocked at how badly she was behaving. Once she left, we decided to go up to the stage just incase she came back. So we go up, and some girl is up there, and she’s talking to us as she dances, and then she could tell how nervous I (still) was, and apparently she thought it was “cute”, so she says “My time’s up up here, but I’m gonna come back and find you after”.

As soon as she leaves, that drunk girl gets on stage, and we immediately walk away. I felt kind of rude, because we were clearly walking away from her, and there was no one else at the stage, so we go back to the table we were at, and the other strippers were still at the table next to us, and they were laughing, saying “As soon as you guys went to the stage, I remembered that she was up next, I was like “Steve! Steve!” but you guys couldn’t hear me”, so we started talking to them some more, and then after about 5 minutes, the drunk girl comes back, and starts being even more annoying, and even started to be kind of rude, so one of the girls next to us told the manager, and she got sent home.

So, anyway, that girl that was on the stage that said she’d find me later came back and found me, and gave me a lap dance (I never asked for one, but I felt it would be rude to say no), so she starts grinding on my wiener a lot, and at this point, I’m fully erect (tmi?), and I was thinking that that was probably weird, andI felt really uncomfortable, but then she starts grinding harder, and harder, and a waitress comes up to us, and offers “breast shots”, and the people I’m with get them, and Colleen (the girl I was with) gets one, and them immediately after, gets a lap dance from the girl.

…It was a pretty fun night.

…. Very weird, but very fun.

Also, the only reason I went in the first place is cause Tory is in the Army, and he’s on leave, and he’s going back to Afghanistan soon, and he wanted me to come. So I had to go.

Anyway, goodnight.

::Addition:: I forgot to mention how much of a fucking nerd I am. Somehow, during a lap dance, I started talking to the girl about comic books, and my allergies.

I went to the Pinball Hall of Fame today, cause I live next door to it, and it seemed like almost everyone there was in town for punk rock bowling. This is a nice week. I prefer those people over the people that are normally in Vegas.

“Imma fuck dat nigga up! Muh fuckah’s gettin’ own mah nerves! Muh fuckin’ knucklehead.” - that guy that was walking next to me on the way to 7-11.

I’ve been watching entirely too much Masters of Horror on Netflix. I’m turning back into a horror nerd. I’ll probably start going to conventions again, cause it’s not like I’m trying to get girls, and friends anyway.

Just realized that the day I go back to Vegas is the day before mothers day. And the day before I moved out there at first was a week before my dad’s birthday.
I sure am a good son.